Post by Edward Cullen on May 7, 2008 23:04:46 GMT -4
If I could dream at all, it would be about you
And I'm not ashamed of it
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Before her, Edward had it all figured out. He knew where he stood in this life, and he knew his place in the world. Before her, he knew what, not who he was. Not man. Not even human. But sin and abomination. A predator always fighting the bloodlust for prey. Before her, he knew he was damned.
But now that she was here, now that warmth and lavender had invaded his senses, Edward didn't feel that he knew much of anything. His whole world had been spun the wrong way, his porcelain belief on the verge of breaking. Now he felt more alive than he had as a human boy. In moments of quiet, he wondered if he was weak or strong because of her, if she was the reason the days didn't seem as bleak or the nights as long. Now, for the first time since Carlisle's venomous kiss, he felt like the prey. Like the spider and the fly, and she had caught him in her web.
But most of all (and perhaps creating a bit of resentment on his part because she's changing his iron-clad ideals) she's slowly making him believe in something else. Making him consider the very idea of a hereafter for his kind. That he is neither God nor Devil, that they do exist, and that one day, maybe, his immortality will be judged like any other man.
It's the only thing that can make sense and can baffle Edward at the same time. It's the only explanation for why Heaven lies in his arms night after night and whimpers his name while she sleeps. Once upon a time, he thought - no, he damn well knew - that there was no salvation for his kind. Now he wonders. Now her love makes him feel like he's worth some kind of forgiveness.
He can imagine her hot breath against his throat, the coos of his name on her lips, pulling him from his thoughts. He can barely recall their last night together... The last night of Bella's human existence. The night before the wedding. He had smiled, before pulling the covers around her bare shoulders because she had been shivering like a leaf. And like a little child, she had relaxed into him once more, those soft pink lips curling upwards at his touch. When he was sure she was fast asleep again, he had pushed dark strands from her face and kissed the warmth of her eyelids, breathing in her scent.
Before her, he minded the sleepless nights and the inability to dream. Now, standing at the alter, he felt like he was dreaming with his eyes open. He didn't feel like a monster anymore. For the first time in a long time, he felt like a man.
NOT FINISHED!
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